(((Quay and bipolar_bear)))))) I so appreciate your replies... Thank you! I'm fighting right now. I feel like I have two opposite personalities. One bad, and one good. (so doesn't everyone?) ....anyways, the good one knows exactly what should be done, and wants to accept help, wants to show feelings to T and not be afraid of taking meds etc... Altho the bad ME thinks I am very sick and weak if I take more meds, and seek more help. If I lose control. ... I have already lost control, and think that is one of my main issues here. If I let people care about me, and I tear down the walls, put away the masks...then WHO AM I? And I know I was worse without the meds, but I still don't feel good enough with the meds now. I can't sleep and my mind is constantly spinning with thoughts. So numb... just want to scream, yell, kick and cry but like I said...I'm like this zombie. And I don't know if the doc and therapists are right either? They are not always right are they? What if this is the wrong way? Maybe I should've stayed away from the meds...altho I'm so afraid to fall back into that deep depression hole again. I'm afraid of life... and one minute I'm certain that I won't make it another day, in my own mind and body. The next I feel GREAT. And boy is this confusing?
Arrrggg....sorry.... maybe I'm not making sense. ....
Plus there are things I can't talk about here....
I'm just self-destructive and don't care right now...