Also, one thing I learned in one of my classes is to rephrase your "controlling" statements as follows:

When you...
I feel...
Because...

So, for example, when you get nervous about your wife going out without you, you could say:

When you (go out with your friends without me),
I feel (nervous, worried, scared etc),
Because (the worst-case scenarios involuntarily pop into my mind)...

... or something like that