still no call from T. I'm starting to lose hope, and swing wildly between anger, sadness, desperation, and fear.

I'm holding on really tight to my resolve to not call her again. I called, I said what I needed to say. I told her I wouldn't call again. It seems like all I have right now is my word and sticking to it. T and I have a long standing agreement that she will return my messages unless I tell her in the message that she doesn't need to call me back. So the ball is in her court. There are definitely moments when I want to call her to cry, or rage, or just ask why and what next. But, again, it really feels like all I have is my word and all I can do is stick to what I said. I don't know if I'm being true to my wise mind or being willful.

Meanwhile, life continues, and everything is harder because of this. Which creates more anger and sadness. Not a good cycle to be caught in.