Ok now don't everyone blast me but I need an opinion here...if you've read my previous posts you know my husband and I have had a rocky relationship. Quite honestly I think that we should have split up a long time ago but that I at least have stayed primarily because we have a child together and I thought staying together and trying to make it work was the right thing to do for our son. In the past few months though my relationship with my husband had degraded to the point where I've decided to file for divorce (right now I'm just saving money for the huge retainer I have to give my lawyer to start the whole process.) My problem is this: I have a male friend whom I have been very close to for the last two years. We have maintained our realationship as JUST FRIENDS. But he has always been there for me, he is the person I always turn to and feel comfortable sharing with emotionally. (and vice versa with him) I know that in a way I have depended on him to fill this void of what I was not getting from my marriage. He is really my best friend though and I can't help feeling that as my marriage draws to a close that the primary reason that it failed is that my husband and I were never friends, we never had that closeness, we don't share any common interests or ideas or express ourselves in any of the same ways. I told my friend that I was having these feeling for him and he confessed that he has admired me from afar for sometime too that he has spoken to abuse counsellors trying to find out if there was any way he could help me in my marriage because he hurts knowing I'm hurting and he want me to be happy. After we discussed everything we both agreed that we should have NO contact anymore for the time being. Neither of us are the type to launch into some tawdry affair. He was very honorable I think about the whole thing I think saying that he did not want to influence my decision about ending my marriage and that he could never be with me unless it was something I was doing on my own not because of him (otherwise how he could ever have faith in any relationship we would pursue.) So I'm trying to do the right thing and I told my husband that I wanted to be honest about my feelings and that yes this was certainly part of why I don't think it's right for us to stay together. I'm tired of waiting to be happy. Even if I don't ever see this friend again or If I find out that he's become involved with someone else when and if we do make contact again he has still influenced me and shown me in a way the closeness that I want to have with a partner that I know deep down my husband and I are never going to share. Do you all think I'm losing it? I just want to do the right thing, my hubsand and I have hurt each other for so long I just want it to stop and I don't really think our marriage can be counseled (the problem I think is just that we got together when we very young (17) and we grew up and are different people now than we were then) but also I think my husband definitely needs counseling to deal with his issues (his whole family agrees that he should see someone to figure our why he is so angry all of the time and learn to control it instead of raging) and I feel like I'm failing him and our family because I just can't cope with it and don't want to anymore. He is saying now that he is aways angry because he always suspected that I didn't really love him!! I do love him, he is the father of my child and he will always hold a special place in my heart but I am not IN LOVE with him and I guess I'm just looking for assurance that no matter what happens in your life that it is NOT NORMAL to destroy a whole room of furniture (a dresser, a fan, a CD player, several VCR tapes, a vaccuum cleaner). He is blaming ME for his anger issues and while I know that all of this is certainly not helping him I think I'm entitled to my own happiness too and he is not willing to say that he has a problem. I want him to be happy but not at the expense of my own happiness...am I being selfish?