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Old Dec 18, 2005, 07:53 PM
sara1010 sara1010 is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2005
Location: Midwest
Posts: 58
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LMo said:
To answer a few other questions on here:

Sara - of course I'm being emotionally blackmailed. Thanks for checking in with me, though. The dilemma is what to do about it. With my T's help, I feel like I came a long way with regard to setting some boundaries (like not flying on holidays), but what that seems to have translated in this thread to is that I don't respect my family.

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I figured you knew that. Terrible isn't it? I know where you're coming from in the E Blackmail in the parent area. I have been 'fixing myself' for months now and as I do, my sight becomes clearer and clearer. My mother did this to me and in turn I have allowed, yes, allowed, my husband to do this as well. This is where my dx of BPD has come from. I'm sure of it. Yes, I was damaged as a child in my relationship with my mother and drunken father, and so with the anger in my childhood I became sensitive to it. So when the spouse got angry, I capitulated against my better judgement. And it caused all the other problems that come with the BPD. Early on it was just about money, but it grew out from there, and it made me feel so, so bad about myself. He found my weaknesses and used them. Am I angry at him for it? No. Because in doing what he did it said he was afraid of loosing me if he couldn't control his life and I am part of his life.

For you and your T, look for the newish book called Emotional Blackmail by Dr Forward, I have been reading this for a few days now and it has further opened my eyes. I want to PM you later about the first situation (last night) where I used the new info from this book. I stopped my weekend from becoming a wreck and also proved to myself that there was fear behind it all. I love this man, and am willing to help him realize how to express his discomfort in other ways.
__________________
Lee
Working on my 'Inner Child' to this day.
http://psychcentral.com/psyhelp/chap15/chap15j.htm