I feel the same way at work. At our eval we are supposed to come up with some goals that we will work on in the next year. I just don't feel like I have the mental strenght it takes to do that. It takes so much energy
to deal with your emotions, all the meds you have to take and just doing your job because they want %110. My manager knows I have BP but keeps things to herself but still expects me to work as well and as hard as everyone. She has suggested that I could take a leave of absence. It's very tempting. But for now I think I am doing ok. Been slowing down a bit because my depression has returned. I started on a new med yesterday and hope that helps perk me up again.
No you are not alone. It's so good to have this site to talk to others about things the average person has no clue about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by clg311
I don't want everyone to know I have BP, but I do wish that we could be given a break sometimes and not judged like normal people or set to such high standards. I don't know how to put it into words. I don't want to be treated "special" but just wish sometimes bosses, family, friends would give me some grace.
Ex. I've been OCDing over a job offer letter that should be coming but has not and it is really stressing me out and probably would a normal person. But I said to my Dad that it may not be God's Will for me to get this job or perhaps something has gone wrong... he yelled at me and said that I was having a distortion of reality. I just wish sometimes they could be gentle and realize that yes, maybe I am, but I can't help it, believe me it is hell and I wish I could see it the way a normal person may see it.
I am also expected to keep climbing the corporate ladder and everything that comes with that.....I have come to the realization that I may not become a VP, maybe I will, but just hard to have such high expectations when you battle an illness that makes these high goals even harder to achieve.
I don't want people to try to understand why I am acting a certain way or thinking differently, I just want them to be understanding. But it is hard when you live in a World where you have a secret and you are in a "normal" job, living the "normal" life and yet you are not "normal," but you are expected and judged as if you were.
Anyone experience this?
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