So, I guess T and I are going to make cards tomorrow.

I called him on the phone yesterday, and asked him to call back, which I almost never do. I was actually really scared to do it, which seems silly considering the length and depth of our relationship...but it was one of those stupid boundary moments. Is it okay to call and ask for a call back? Anyhow, it WAS okay, and we talked for a little while.

I asked him if he thought that the "My love is stupid" feeling comes from making all of those "I love you Momma" cards for my mom and being treated how I was. He sounded sad, and said yes....he said some other things too, but I can't remember what.

I asked him what would happen if my 8 year old part made a card for him. I can't remember the exact answer (apparently I can't remember much of this phone call at all, actually)...but I think he said it would be wonderful.

We had e-mailed about making a card together for the 8 year old, but I think that maybe I will see if we can sit on the floor and she can make a card for him and he can make a card for her. And then maybe I'll make one for her too. Maybe.

I know this all must sound very nice, but I feel scared, and sad. Maybe it goes back to all of the things I've made for T...the knitted stuff, the cooked stuff...and his reaction to those things (always hugely positive and appreciative). And the "perfect" gift from the other client and my feeling that my gifts, and my love, are STUPID. It feels really really really really risky to let my little part make a card for T.

I guess I'll just see what it feels like tomorrow. But I'm going to bring construction paper and markers and stuff just in case.