Its like an automatic response to flog yourself with harsh criticisms. I am glad the meditation helped to calm you down. I think recognizing the pattern and acknowledging it as harmful is the first step. Then we can face the judgement with compassion for ourselves and move on with a spirit of acceptance. We still hold onto the goal but we don't judge our progress -- good or bad... like what Lavie shared with us.

What a wonderful gift hey. I fell asleep last night faster then I have in a long long time. AND I stayed asleep all night long!

I did have a lovely walk. Thanks. Almost an hour with most of the time walking meditatively. I am sure people thought I was weird because I was walking so slowly to keep my breathing calm. I played around with the pace until I found a breathing rate that worked for me.

It was difficult at first because I had a disturbing phone call just before I headed out. I was pretty upset. Normally I would have probably gotten lost in the drama, maybe come here to post about what was happening. I opted instead to not dwell in that place. I dragged my crying stressed out self out the door.

I spent some time at a favourite spot on a nearby creek singing from deep in my belly and just observing and taking in everything around me. My eyes were drown to this small bit of moss on a rock in the creek. It has the shape of a face and every time the water rolled over it, its mouth opened up as though it was drinking in the water. It mesmerized me for a while until I had the thought I should drink from the creek myself. It tasted sooooo good and when I looked up at the face it winked at me. I just had to laugh with my new friend. lol.

At one point I regretted not bringing my camera because the ice formation were so amazing. I thought about racing home to get it but decided instead to accept and appreciate what was instead of regretting or beating myself up about what wasn't. I further accepted that if I go back tomorrow with my camera it is likely the warm weather will have dissolved those ice sculptures so again I needed to decide that nothing was lost. I acknowledged the gift of what was. Had I brought my camera on the walk with me I may have missed the gifts I did receive.

As I walked home, meditatively slow again I focused on the cliffs in front of me. I call them my power rocks because there is so much imagery in them and I am always strengthened by them. They make me feel comforted and protected. When I would catch myself thinking outside the present I would chant along with each step... here... now....here... now and go back to imagining the lotus flower popping up in a row behind me.

I still haven't used it. Not sure what is holding me back. humm?

Its interesting how when I hear myself in your words how light bulbs go off for me. Here for example.... judging your morning as a bust. Says who? By what criteria? Does it matter anyways? Acceptance tells us whatever is, is enough.

I've been hearing that voice today too. I started the day later then I had planned and spent more time on my walk then I had planned. I 'failed' to get at some work I had planned to do. That voice is passing judgement on me that makes me feel badly about myself. It goes so far as to suggest I don't have time for all this meditation and mindfullness and being in the present 'stuff'. I had way more important things to do and worry about right now. The longer I let it talk the more distressing my situation feels and the more distressed I become. I don't want those feelings and I don't want to listen to that voice so like you I give myself an out by committing to make up for my failures. I make new promises to myself to make myself feel better in that moment.

Fine if I am able to fulfill the commitment but if I don't for one reason or another then it just adds insult to injury. The need to place blame, with me being the easiest target, supersedes all else. It may be a better strategy to accept simply that things didn't go as plan. What matters more is being okay with what was so you can focus solely on what is. The quiet time in the sunshine is allowed to be its own experience and not a pay back for something you failed at. I may just be cutting hairs here because yes, sometimes we do have to re-schedule or substitute or make up for something missed. Its the judgement and pressure of putting importance on things that don't really matter that I think is when it becomes kind of toxic. Just thinking out load here.