Quote:
Originally Posted by clg311
I don't want everyone to know I have BP, but I do wish that we could be given a break sometimes and not judged like normal people or set to such high standards. I don't know how to put it into words. I don't want to be treated "special" but just wish sometimes bosses, family, friends would give me some grace.
Ex. I've been OCDing over a job offer letter that should be coming but has not and it is really stressing me out and probably would a normal person. But I said to my Dad that it may not be God's Will for me to get this job or perhaps something has gone wrong... he yelled at me and said that I was having a distortion of reality. I just wish sometimes they could be gentle and realize that yes, maybe I am, but I can't help it, believe me it is hell and I wish I could see it the way a normal person may see it.
I am also expected to keep climbing the corporate ladder and everything that comes with that.....I have come to the realization that I may not become a VP, maybe I will, but just hard to have such high expectations when you battle an illness that makes these high goals even harder to achieve.
I don't want people to try to understand why I am acting a certain way or thinking differently, I just want them to be understanding. But it is hard when you live in a World where you have a secret and you are in a "normal" job, living the "normal" life and yet you are not "normal," but you are expected and judged as if you were.
Anyone experience this?
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Yes yes yes - you are not alone.
I only disclosed my illness at one job, because I ended up being hospitalized and had to - luckily i had a great and understanding boss, and actually worked for the company that makes topamax, risperdal and haldol, so they were pretty big and tolerant.
In my job now I am so stressed, and have started crying at work, panic attacks and am at the point where I feel like i am going to really lose it at some point. My boss is a ******, not a good manager, but I would never tell her about my illness - i don't trust her or anyone in this office. I'm trying really hard to get a job with a little less stress and hopefully a better manager. i used to think I was going to keep climbing the ladder too, but some kind of sanity is better than the big title and the big responsibility.
My husband doesn't understand it either - he gets mad like your dad - he doesn't understand why i get so stressed out, why I get upset, depressed, whatever....he prefers to think of me as normal. i wish I was, but i'm not. that's why i come on this site, and talk to my therapist and my friends who do know.
You are not alone.