Hi Larry,

Well, I was abused as a child and raped as an eighteen year old at college. I married my husband to get away from my rapist. My husband lived in England and I lived in northern california. Understandably I hated sex. I was with my husband for seven and a half years and never had an orgasm. I hated sex and only had sex once a month at the most. Sometimes I would feel so guilty about being a horrible wife I would initiate sex. There were times that he would start to touch me during my sleep which would totally freak me out. Other times he'd wear his metal watch to bed and that would start a flashback. It was horrible. Well, we separated at seven and a half years and I moved away and met somebody. He was very patient and kind with me and my issues. It was strange, he could touch me anywhere he wanted to unlike my husband. The first night we had sex was weird, I wanted it and was massaging him then in one fell swoop it started and I had my first orgasm. From there on I have been chasing that "high". We broke up after a few months as I went back to my husband to try and make it work, it didn't. From there it seemed like I couldn't help but sleep with guy after guy after guy. I couldn't believe what I was doing because i think it is wrong but I simply couldn't stop. I use craigslist to find men to sleep with and it is so easy. I put an ad up and ten minutes later Im walking out the door to some guys house. It's ridiculous how easy it is. What scares me is that I'm not safe about it. In the moment I want sex and that's my only goal. It's a true addiction. It's like going to any length to get my drug. Some days I sleep with six people. I try to use condoms but some times (because of my sexual preferences being bdsm) I'm not in a position to insist.

Tara