Zoo, I am going to give you some advice/instructions. I know how that feels!

When you feel totally frustrated and beyond control, and feel that something has to be done NOW, try this (I think it is called "paradoxical intention"): do NOTHING. Now that seems crazy; it seems like absolutely the wrong thing to do. It will be very hard to do. But try to simply soak in the feelings that you have -- THINK about the feelings, examine them. Do they remind you of something a long time ago? Do they remind you of how you were treated when you felt so bad, that something had to happen, that someone had to lock you in their protective arms and bring calm to you?

This is something that you will have to practice. It won't be easy. It will feel like the wrong thing to do: instead of having to force something to happen, to force someone to help you, do "nothing". Or what may seem like nothing. Sit in it. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you want to attack yourself, punish yourself? Where does that come from?

The advantage of engaging in this strange behavior is that you will find that you have it in own your power to cope -- you become less dependent on some outside person to make everything OK. Yes, it would be good if you had that someone. As a child you needed that someone, and probably did not get anyone to help you manage the terrible frustrations. But now you are big and intimidate others so that they can't think clearly that they could provide that reassurance to you. That's not good, but you can learn to do it for yourself! You can. Yes, you can, Zoo.