Mary Alice, your T is talking to you the way he is and his plans to do whatever it takes to keep you alive are proof of one thing... please accept it as fact.

YOU ARE WORTH SAVING! HE CARES ABOUT YOU ENOUGH TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!

He's not a robot, Mary Alice. He has feelings just like anyone else. He cares about you!! Because he's not a robot, he also get frustrated, hurt and angry because you're so bent on ending your life!! He's invested a lot of time and a lot of emotion on you! If I knew where you live, I would be right there with him keeping you alive! I've already been trying to get it to sink into your heart as well as your head that you are loveable, you are worthy, you matter, you have much to offer, you are wanted, you are needed!!

You see... I don't get paid nor am I bound by any oaths like he is. When I say to you the things that I feel about you, the things I think I about you, I'm not bound by anything other than to tell the truth, to be honest with you because I want to! It's from the heart! You're T also has one, BTW. He also has a breaking point. Is that what you're searching for??

One more thing, Sweetheart... go back to that place in your mind and in your heart that you found while at Mass. Find that peace again. You don't have to be in any building to find it. All you have to do is search in your heart. It's there, because your Higher Power is there, too. You carry Him with you.

I'm praying like the dickens for you! I know He's already answered part of my prayers.

PS Honesty doesn't pay when you are trying to do something you shouldn't.