This is a really good question. I struggle with it myself...

Because my parents were (and still are) alcoholics, I recently joined a group called Al-Anon. It has been very helpful to know others who have struggled with this problem. However, one main point in the group's literature looks at how we are to "overcome the child/victim mentality."
Yet, it was only recently (four years ago) that I even allowed myself to see how difficult my childhood was. I spent so long helplessly repressing these emotions as well.
Once I began therapy, I realized how I had a lifetime's worth of anger directed at my situation while growing up. I still love my parents (in a way) but I now have a great deal of anger to deal with as well; why did they have to divorce? Why did my mom have to take me hundreds of miles away? Why didn't she ever seek help for her anxiety and depression? Why did my dad have to remarry an awful woman right there in my childhood home?

I can see the benefit of overcoming this anger. Getting on with life, so to speak. Letting go. I am at a loss with an answer myself.
The only thing I can think of is that we don't really have much control over it. We will begin to forgive when we have exhausted our anger, and when we understand it and when we are ready...

Do you think you might be helped by trying to do some of this introspection on your own? Journaling is a good way to work out some of these old feelings, especially with the aid of a book. Here is one (for example) I have found helpful:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Tru.../9781572241015
I sometimes like to sit and write while in a coffee shop or park.

Lastly, I have recently heard of U.S. and U.K. therapists who do treatment over skype. I've read that this technique has been growing in China, where finding a therapist is nearly impossible. I wonder if someone on this site might know how this works or where one might be able to access this service? Just a thought.

Be patient and gentle with yourself. You have gone through a lot but, as always, you deserve to feel more free. I think the only way to address the burdens of a difficult childhood are to take a long look inward to see how the way we react now is tied to the ways that we have always reacted within the close relationships of our family. Understanding ourselves is like untying a knotted ball of yarn. I think the end product may look a lot like forgiveness with love: for ourselves and for others. But it cannot be forced.