Hi, I'm Avery. I've been in trouble for a long time and it seems like my problems are never going to stop. This all started over 7 years ago. I believed that I had commited the unpardonable sin. It may not seem like the hugest deal to any body here, but it was horrible to me. I believed this, and carried a great guilt and prayed constantly to be forgiven for 5 years. I have always been a pretty serious Christian, being a preachers kid. No one knew that I believed this, not even my parents. After 2 years of college, I became too sick to go to classes, so I just stayed at home all of the time. For over a semester, I had barley been attending them anyway, and it had brought my GPA way down. My mom and dad became worried about me, and after a year, took me to a psychologist. The psychologist put me in a mental hospital, diagnosed with "depression", and "schizophrenia". (5 years after thinking I had commited unpardonable sin.) I went the first time, saying that i didn't have schizophrenia (I still know that that is correct), and after a week, was sent home. I quit taking the meds because they were doing me no good, and making me gain 1 pound a day. I finally told my parents that I believed that I committed the unpardonable sin, and they relieved me, telling me that I hadn't. But, they sent me back to the mental hospital for another week, still saying that I had schizophrenia, because I wouldn't take my meds. I was angry by this time, though getting better because I knew that I hadn't commited the unpardonable sin. After taking me home, my parents kept me at home for an additional 1 1/2 years, ignoring me, for the most part.
I finally started selling my stuff on ebay as an attempt to be able to move out of the house. As I began to make a profit, my Dad said that he would let me drive to my college town and apply for jobs. If I got one, he would pay for a temporary apartment for one month, but I would have to pay for everything after that. He said that he knew that I wouldn't make it, and still said that I had "gone off of the deep end". I did get a job, on the first try, and was able to keep one and also took classes for a year at WT. It was very hard, but I was determined that I was going to make it. I even lost the 14 pounds from the medicine and an additional 8 more. Finally, after a year, my dad admitted that I was doing well, and helped me a little financially, though he still hasn't apologized and he still is not very supportive. I thought that everything was going to be ok. It was at the end of the school year, and something else really bad did happen. I don't really want to talk about it. Well, during the summer, I jogged every day, and began to stop feeling so guilty and see things better. People noticed a positive difference, but I still felt sad and hopeless about the semester before.
I made an appointment with my old psychologist and asked him if he would think about changing my diagnosis. He noticed a huge difference and said that obviously I was ok. He agreed with me that I may have never had schizophrenia- several diseases have similar symptoms. He said that it could have been depression- like in Major Depressive Disorder. He refused to change the diagnosis, though. He even tried to diagnose me with OCD, which was frustrating. At least if he’s not saying I’m crazy, I can defend myself- LOL!! Everyone in my family, at least, agrees that I don’t have that.
I started to feel like I didn't care and just stayed in bed because of being worried about the semester before. I took 2 internet classes this semester. My grades have been really good for the last year, but I failed one of my classes and now, I think that I will be expelled fr. the school because of bad grades way in the past. All of my grades have been good except for that one, in the last year and a half.
I'm wondering about my whole life. I've always had high standards for the way I want my life to be, and getting a college education is one of the things that I want. I'm 24 years old, and I also really want to get married- all of my friends are married. I HATE MY LIFE. I keep trying VERY HARD, feeling very depressed, and barley making it. The way I see it, the things I need most are: time to finish getting over this guilt and the effects of it, and to be able to go to school. Maybe someone to help financially, too. I really would like to go to Asbury- this school is fine, though. I’m willing to try my best. I know that there are people who care, and would help me, but it’s not like I can just tell everyone about my past. Very few people know about this. If someone would believe in me, and hopefully give me a new start…
I was also wondering if there would be any way that I could be reinstated at the school. Maybe have some bad grades taken away fr. When I was sick, or get better, and then take a doctors note to a board, or the dean , or something. Because I’m usually an excellent student. Who should I talk to? I don’t want to feel like there are no answers. What should I do? It seems that the problems that don’t exist are the ones that end up messing up my life. I didn’t commit the unpardonable sin. I didn’t have schizophrenia! Now what?