I don't know. All I know is that I am very unhappy. I can distinguish my goals long term. I know what I want my future to be like. I can't seem to get there one day at a time though. The days keep going by and I get no closer to my goals. I feel very depressed right now so I know that is an issue.
The other thing that I talked to my T today about was that I did not want to dream too big because I did not want to feel the let down of not succeeding.
I have been able to psyc myself up to feel good and do things, believing that I can succeed, but in the end I always end up here. Depressed and unable to move.
I am really having a hard time with moving forward and psycing my self out for the next round of life.
My T told me "well now you have me and this moment in your life where you have never been before, on new meds. Give it a chance."
That was very sweet, but I'm just not there yet. I want a desire to live, I hope it IS different this time.