Your post sounds a lot like me.......unfortunately, I still have some of those feelings and I am 45. My reflectiona...and advice would be:

1. I have major depression....you seem to also. Don't be afraid of medication and don't buy into the stigma mental illness ....I was and I road the roller coaster of emotions far too long.... I would take medication and then talk myself out of it That pattern did a lot of damage in the long run.

2. Believe in yourself!!! You will struggle at times...anyone with an illness does.........but you will be a much more compassionate person in the long run....and a gift to those that struggle also.

3. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

4. Find someone you can bounce concerns off of..... a therapist, special family member or friend, etc. I say special, because sometimes those thoughts that come with major depression and OCD (I only have obsessive thoughts) are a bit scary or odd to someone "unprepared" so to speak. Kind of like thinking of the "unpardonable sin".....I was sexually abused and I STILL pray for forgivness....I intellectually know that it was not my fault......but when bad things happen I am sure it is because I was bad.....MY sin out to punish everyone........those kind of thoughts.....need to be talked out......or even typed out here. Have someone or a place where you can sort out the rational and irrational thoughts. When my depression starts kicking up again so do my irrational obsessive thoughts............. Know YOUR thoughts.... and talk or type them out.............please!

5. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!!!!

I know there are more.......and I will post again.......I just didn't want you to think there was no one who understood............take care!