First of all, welcome to the forum, Hal..! I'm new myself but I'll do the honor anyway.

Well, you written a lot of things I can totally relate to. I'm a lonely guy like you (never had a girlfriend due to my social phobia problems, even if I wish it so, soo much)... and I think I know how you must feel. I'm of course experiencing some kind of transference too and it's tough (and really, really complicated).

Nobody is caring for you the day before and then bam!, the day after there is this person that cares for you, listen to you, smiles to you, understands you and so on. I think it is perfectly normal that somebody filling a so big empty space, suddenly becomes really important even if the reason we were there in first place, was not her at all! And even if we are paying for it and we are perfectly aware...doesn't matter, the emotions are just there anyway.

I don't think this situation was your fault; transference just happen to a lot of people. And I don't think you are wrong on the "love" stuff. Therapists don't "love" (in the very romantic mean of the term) their patients.. at least usually. In the best of the cases they care... they let you call them, send emails or asking for support even outside the hour therapy, but the bitter reality is that if we stop pay for them... well, frankly I don't know if it's like this 100% of the cases but I think they gonna discard us. We should remember they are always working and not doing some voluntary job or such (by the way, and I'm talking to everybody, don't feel offended if you think your therapist is different, didn't mean to describe it all!).

I'm in no position nor qualification to tell you if you should drop your T, completely leaving therapy or else... I didn't clearly understand if your T is aware that the situation is still going on and getting worse... you should bring it up to her and decide togheter what to do.

Please, stay strong and forgive my bad grammar.