This stood out to me too. My T's solid, constant presence is a huge part of why i feel safe in therapy. He's not unpredictable. I know who he is, and how he will react to things....and if there is ever a surprise in how he reacts, it's usually because he's more gentle with me than I expected him to be (if I'm beating myself up for something or whatever).

I'm also not sure about the "being affected more than therapist/client". I KNOW that my T thinks about me outside of session, and I know that he worries about me when I'm having a hard time, but I also know that he has excellent boundaries. He considers the t/client relationship to be sacred, especially when we are doing the kind of work we're doing, and he treats it as such. It is what it is - a t/client relationship. I don't WANT him to be stressing out about me at home...I want him to be able to be with his family, and his Self. If he told me that he was affected by me more than a therapist/client way, I would feel uncomfortable. And I know he loves me and I love him very much and there IS a relationship there...yet somehow, there is also this boundary that I can't quite put into words that, for me, is a big part of the reason therapy works.

Honestly, from the outside, I would love for you to have a T who is able to be more consistent and gentle with you, with clearer boundaries and more accountability for his own behavior. But I know how important the T relationship is, and what it feels like to be attached, so I know that's much much easier said than done.

Like my T says, "pay attention". Pay attention to your feelings, your fears, the things you like, the things you don't like. Believe in your feelings and in your truth.

Hugs and more hugs to you