Quote:
Originally Posted by peejcrafter
Hi R. Eagle R.,
I'm sorry you have had so much to live with. I understand very well. My family is prejudiced and unsupportive and that makes it harder for us to deal with symptoms. I'm with you all the way. Hang in there, ok?  We can be very supportive of each other, because in the absence of family support, our "club" is the best place to come for friendship, support and just joking around or whatever. |
Very much this. I've long been of the opinion that the only real way to empathize with something like SA is to live it, and no one I know personally does. (or is aware of it, in the case of some family members.)
When they diagnosed me 3 or so years ago, I didn't really believe it either. "Me, paranoid? Occasionally delusional? Naw." I'd think to myself. I had a rather funny epiphany recently about that, though.
SSI apparently does periodic medical reviews, and since I've been on it around 3-4 years, I hadn't yet had one, and didn't know what they were about. When I first got the envelope with all the paperwork, the first train of thought that formed was "oh no, they're about to pull the plug on my income, I'm boned. Why are they out to get me? What if the doc was wrong all those years ago, and I'm really fine and don't know it, and they say I'm fine...but I haven't worked in years.."
This clearly (in hindsight) paranoid rambling thought process went on for days. I'd read the paperwork, and even though it said (repeatedly) that if nothing significant had changed in my condition, than nothing would change with my income either. I thought that not seeing a doctor for 2-3 years was a part of that, but the SSI agent I spoke to assured me that wasn't what they were looking for, especially with schizo-type illnesses - they were looking for improvement.
Despite that, I spent weeks fretting about it. "Did the paperwork get there, or did the post office lose it on purpose? Are they done yet? Am I going to be homeless? Institutionalized?" etc. Suddenly, the irony of the catch-22 I'd trapped myself in hit me: as we here are all-too-aware, paranoia is a near-constant companion, and one of the known symptoms of SA. The very same symptom (in this case) that was fairly obvious from outside observation (as my wife reminded me near-constantly) was the very thing causing my worry about the review getting tanked for some reason.
I laughed a little at the realization. I'm still a little jittery about the whole thing since I've never had one before, but I'd like to think once it's done and over with, and I know how the process works, I won't be so wound up about it in the future.
