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Originally Posted by Liam Grey
Nobody is caring for you the day before and then bam!, the day after there is this person that cares for you, listen to you, smiles to you, understands you and so on. I think it is perfectly normal that somebody filling a so big empty space, suddenly becomes really important even if the reason we were there in first place, was not her at all! And even if we are paying for it and we are perfectly aware...doesn't matter, the emotions are just there anyway.
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And if even two laypeople like you and I can see that, what makes you think that a therapist wouldn't be able to see it? Of course they saw it coming. And thanks to their malice, incompetence, twisted sense of morality, people like you and I needlessly suffer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liam Grey
I don't think this situation was your fault; transference just happen to a lot of people.
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It's good to know that it probably was not my fault, but if my therapist had read me correctly from the get go, she could have used her knowledge of psychology (which obviously vastly outweighs mine) and her acting abilities (which evidently are finely tuned) to prevent this tragedy from happening. Was she sincerely trying to help me or was she trying (consciously or subconsciously) to make another fool fall for her? If the latter alternative sounds too far-fetched, it's not like psychotherapy literature is not plagued with stories of incompetent, narcissistic therapists who go on ego trips making patients drool over them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liam Grey
And I don't think you are wrong on the "love" stuff. Therapists don't "love" (in the very romantic mean of the term) their patients.. at least usually. In the best of the cases they care...
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Of course. But, from our end, their "care" sure looks like something else, doesn't it? And if that weren't true, then we wouldn't be enduring this pain, or would we? A therapist can't mess with a patient's unconscious and then claim, without deceiving herself, that she wasn't at least partially responsible for the ideas that she helped plant in the patient's brain.
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Originally Posted by mark366160
My position is a little different, in that I am married... and I know she is too. I went in for something completely different... and then fell for her. There's several other complications as well...
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I hope that your therapist did not jeopardize your marriage.
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Originally Posted by mark366160
Regardless, when you start digging around on the internet about this thing, you'll find that therapists, especially female ones, do not go for their clients, unless you are some super stud that can get anyone you want and they don't care about keeping their job.
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That's obvious, too, and it also makes this situation more painful and unbearable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mark366160
She may care for you...
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In a very abstract sense, yes. But when you care for everyone, indiscriminately and regardless of how likable or unlikable they are, your "care" is cheap and, to me at least, isn't worth anything.
I don't want my therapist to care about me. I don't need her to care about me. What goes on in another person's brain once they are out of my life has nothing to do with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mark366160
but if you are looking for a romantic relationship,
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I am not looking for a romantic relationship with my therapist or anyone. (And yes, I feel attracted to my therapist, but that doesn't mean that at a conscious level I don't feel repulsed by that person.)
What's even more insulting is the fact that by not doing anything to prevent this trainwreck from happening, my therapist effectively imposed her agenda on me. Did I tell her that I wanted to have a romantic relationship with another person? Did I ask her to teach me how to have a romantic relationship with another person?
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Originally Posted by mark366160
about all you can expect from yours (as mine) is to learn how to possibly start one... to get to know how to talk to a woman... to be comforted by one... to be able to speak your mind to one... and possibly on the process, learn to talk and speak your mind to a "real" one.
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I disagree. Starting a relationship with a "real person" (ie: someone who is not getting paid to like you or pretend that they like you) is a very complicated matter for men like the previous poster and myself. If these things came easily to everyone there wouldn't be a multimillion dollar industry dedicated to teaching socially incompetent men how to attract women. But I am not interested in having a relationship, so I don't care one way or the other. What I care about is the painful, not "tender" feelings I ended up stuck with.