Thank you just for reading...I tend to post really long messages around here I know that my friend and I are doing the right thing but it's realy hard not being able to turn to the one person that I feel closest to emotionally when I'm going through such a hard time in my life right now. He told that if things get REALLY bad then I should feel like I can call him, that he'll always be there for me, but that I need to do this on my own. I know he's right but it doesn't make it any easier. I feel like I have no one now and I then I hate myself even more because I wish that my husband and I could have that kind of emotional intimacy and I know its wrong of me to have sought that outside of my marriage. So tired of hurting and feeling like all I do is hurt other people...