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and said stuff about him not believing in experiencing transference and counter-transference - but rather that it is a real relationship where he is affected by his clients, think about them outside of sessions, respond to them outside of sessions, think about ways that he can further help them, and that he is affected, more than a therapist/client - so his reactions are real, and that it is not his nature or character to be detached.
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I guess I have basically no idea how gestalt therapy is supposed to work, and perhaps that's why your T always comes across as so jarring.
My T very much believes in both transference and countertransference (I've read her articles), and I also know that she's affected by me, thinks about me outside of sessions, and is just very very involved.
There certainly are boundaries, but they don't to do with transference.
I think of the transference stuff as something that makes us closer. What I mean is, there's the relationship between us, between our two genuine selves, and then, layered over that, is that I react to her in the way that I have (for example) been trained to react by a parent who abused me. So, I'm afraid of my T, I desperately want her to love me, I want her to care for me -- all that stuff. That's the transference stuff -- a kind of false layer of feeling that covers over our actual relationship, but isn't really generated out of it.
So, once I, with her help, could figure out the transference stuff, then our relationship became more real, and closer, because we could have a relationship between our genuine selves.
And I think being clear about my transference stuff has allowed me to be more genuine with other people in my life.
(And I know that she thinks about her countertransference stuff, because I've read some of her articles.)
There are still boundaries -- we won't be going out for coffee together -- but as I say, they don't have to do with transference.
Here is a nice article, from this site:
http://pro.psychcentral.com/2011/bou...apy/00243.html
From that article:
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After some time in therapy I became acutely aware of how special the therapeutic relationship really is. The true confidentiality became apparent. It was clear that when negative issues arose, there was time to work them out against a thinking “punching bag,” who would not wilt or show personal distress when I expressed difficult feelings. In fact, my “punching bag” therapist looked forward to such challenges, took them as meaningful outpourings from me, and used his training to help me express such feelings. Together we built a positive framework for accepting and dealing with the underlying causes of my anger, guilt, and sadness.
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I thought of this during the punching bag discussion. My T has certainly put up with a lot of 'punching bag' stuff from me, and she never ever treated it as anything except material for discussion.
But anyway, my question here is really about gestalt therapy. How is your therapy actually supposed to work?
Thanks,
-Far