Quote:
Originally Posted by velcro003
Zoo, I'm glad that your T cleared that up for you...but something just does NOT sit right with me about all of this. I hope that she is just going through a rough spot right now and can sort it out, but it makes me uneasy.
Between your T and MUE's therapist...   |
it makes me uneasy, too. I'm glad she didn't hang up on me yesterday, but that doesn't explain the whole way she has been interacting with me this week. I don't know what's going on with her. I don't know if I'm going to my session on Monday to find out. I just don't know.
I did sleep better last night, and woke up feeling lighter without the horrible conflict-with-T feelings. I know my truth, which is that last week I only called T once. When I saw her on Monday, she asked why I hadn't called her and said she had been concerned because she hadn't heard from me. So I know that if she is burned out, it's not because of me.
T needs to do a better job of taking care of herself so she can do the work she does. I know it is hard being a T, and a DBT T in particular. I could not do it. But I'm not forcing her to do it, and I'm not asking for more than is the norm in DBT.
I know T cares about me and I care about, respect and admire her. And I don't know if I can continue seeing her. I am hurt and feel my trust was violated. I trust T to set boundaries in a healthy way and to keep my best interest in mind when she's interacting with me. I trust T to keep her word and to not offer me things she is unable or unwilling to provide.
Remember that email I sent T, cancelling my session for Mon? I got this email in reply from her yesterday afternoon:
Quote:
Glad you emailed, I've got you down for Mon at 2. I think we may need
some more time for processing, so I've rescheduled you for 1:30. Molly,
please don't give up. I believe you are making this issue really big and
there is really nothing major going on. I needed to get through a lot of
phone calls, I called you in a different manner than you are used to and
you're running with that. Stop running. I will not process this over the
phone, or text or email - this is the type of thing that is processed in
session - face to face. We discuss what you experienced, what skills you
implemented, and explore others you could implement in the future, and
that's it. I am not quitting as your therapist, you've not done anything
wrong. Come to our session and we'll work through it.
Let me know if you'll be here at 1:30 or 2 on Monday.
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There is a lot in there that I feel good about, especially where she says I didn't do anything wrong, and that she's not quitting on me. But...where is the ownership of her own actions? Why is this all my fault? I think we just have 2 very different perceptions of what went on and I don't know if sitting in a room and trying to hash it out will even work. I have seen the defensive, angry side of T before. I'm not interested in meeting boot-camp-T again.
So. I don't know. I feel better, but not good. I don't think I'm going to group tomorrow. I don't know what to do about Monday.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
~Brian Andreas