Actually, i was thinking a lot along the lines of stop inflicting this pain on yourself. Just letting yourself be for awhile, whether it's with your therapist or not.

Somehow, someway it has got to be more okay for you to talk or not. There has to be some room for some peace in there.

And I think you owe it to yourself by giving yourself that gift of peace.

I am also a big believer in the old chinese adage "when the student is ready, the master will appear".

I know your therapist is a master, and a patient one, but there's got to be a way to give yourself some time and space to be ready.