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hillbunnyb said:
Blame sucks. Gets us nowhere. try to break the habit and install a forgiveness pattern instead. Try breathing in your goodness and out your blame.
))) ) ) ) Fuzzy(( (( ( bumpies for you, you good person you.

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Well said. I found it also helps to practice this with others. Don't blame yourself, don't blame others. Both only hurt you. It is better to take care of yourself emotionally. Forgiveness is so helpful, and brings out your natural compassion - toward yourself and toward others. So take good care of yourself - as an old friend once said to me "Don't be your judge and jury, be your defense."

It takes effort and attention to practice forgiveness, but it is worth it. And sometimes practicing forgiveness is just not attaching blame - don't go down that road at all. What you don't have you don't have to get rid of.

I went through this with my divorce. I kept wanting to blame my wife for what I went through and I kept reaching for forgiveness instead. Now she is a good friend and part of my small support network. She can see that I have chosen a different approach than I would have in the past. As with others, so it is with me. I don't blame myself anymore, I try to accept where I am and to forgive myself for being here.

I don't know if I got off topic on you or not. I think blame is a choice that you make. It's an easier choice than compassion. Being compassionate sometimes means (it did for me) lowering your expectations of yourself, for a while at least. I had to lower my expectations a lot, and I take pride in much smaller things than I would have in the past.

Without giving up hope, allow yourself to be with who you are right now. You can be nobody else. So where is the blame? Somewhere in the past where you can do nothing about it. It is only here and now if you put it there. Replace it, as hillbunnyb suggested. Let go of blame, be compassionate with yourself. Treat yourself as you would want to be treated by others - loved, hugged, important and so on. It is a process, not a goal or an event. Moment by moment, be kind to yourself. If you find yourself slipping, distract yourself with a walk or whatever. Go back to being kind to yourself. Some days will be "ugh" days - just have to go through those.

Finally, be sure to indulge yourself each day. Spend 15 minutes doing something for yourself that you really like. Take a bubble bath, watch a sunset, read a book or favorite magazine, watch a TV show you like, whatever turns your crank. And acknowledge to yourself that you are doing something special for you because you deserve it. Relax, enjoy your indulgence, you've earned it. Use the energy you would use to blame yourself to pamper yourself instead.

Just some ideas for you to think about. Every human life is a very precious thing. Including yours