So, I saw my therapist last night and was going on to her about how I can't stop thinking and can't sleep and how my job is going to make me lose my mind and I said I couldn't take being manic and depressed at the same time and she said I was having a panic attack....So...What I thought were mixed episodes, I'm actually having panic attacks
Which I didn't even realize I was having. So now that I have that figured out...I should get rid of the source, most of which is my job and nightmare boss, who I swear is out to get me. We talked about me quitting, but i won't get unemployment insurance if I quit, and as my husband has been spending all of the money we have, we can't afford for me to do that. My other alternative is to go on disability, which I will bring up next week - i've been looking for another job, and interviewing....I almost wish I would get fired so i don't have to go, but while I'm there i always try to be the best, which is part of my problem.

So, I'm having panic attacks, which is kind of freaking me out because it's been YEARS since i've had them, and I was kind of hoping I was DONE with them, and now here I am again. I have a husband who has spent 40K in the last 6 months and flips between loving and cold in 10 minutes, and a job that I dread going to. I'm just so frustrated and tired of holding it all together - I just want to go to bed and wake up when it's all over.