((((((((((((Zoo))))))))))))))

I hope you will decide to go on Monday.

T is right...this is the kind of thing that can only be repaired face to face. T and I had a rupture once that he refused to discuss over e-mail, so we had a phone call, and then, finally a session, and just being able to converse in real time, see each others reactions, ask questions, get answers, share feelings..all of that..helped a lot. We couldn't have done that if we weren't sitting in the same room.

I know you don't want to go in there and get "boot camp T"....I SO get that. But if you don't go, you won't get ANY T. And who knows who will be there on Monday? She might not even be in "boot camp T" mode. And if she is, you can tell her you need something different, or you can ask why she feels like she needs to be boot camp T right now, or you can listen to her and give her your honest reaction to whatever she's saying.

You are right that it is her responsibility to make sure she is doing enough self-care, and especially if she is working as a DBT T, which requires so much more availability than a non-DBT T. I bet she is figuring that out herself right now as well. I know for me that when I'm figuring things like that out (I need more balance, I need more self-care, whatever) there can be a period of kind of floundering around while I'm still reeling from letting myself get overwhelmed and trying to find my footing in my new way of doing things. I wonder if T was in that spot. It's not an excuse...her responsibility IS to take care of herself so that she can be there...I guess I just keep mulling this over and wondering what the heck is going on.

Monday is coming. You'll never know if it will help to see her unless you go and see her. Maybe you should give yourself that chance.