Hoo boy, do I! When I am able to talk about things, it is coded: I call my abuser "him," my flashbacks "the thing where it feels like it's happening," dissociation "the thing where I'm gone," the abuse "what he did," and so on. I feel a little victory when I call things by the proper name or get a little more specific.

But we need to give ourselves a break--naming things is scary. Naming things makes them real. Talking about them makes them real(er), which is understandably terrifying. As Tree says, I find it helps to view this as a PTSD symptom (avoidance).

A lot of times these days I start my conversations using these codes, and then I get tired of it. For example, this week I had this conversation with T:
Me: "I had a night thing where it feels real."
T: "Tell me about the thing.
Me: "Well, I had a weird dream and when I woke up this sound scared me and I had the thing where it felt like he was there....oh, jeez, who cares what I say! I had a nightmare and it scared me and then I had a flashback."
T: "Do you want to tell me about the nightmare and the flashback?"

Once I'd talked around it, it was easier to talk about it, if that makes sense.