What if, instead of focusing on why it happens, you focus on how it's affecting your life and relationships with other people? I think of this only because I so often get distracted by the "why" and avoid focusing on the "how," as in how I am impacted by whatever I feel/do/fear. I wonder too if it might help to look at what the result of this behavior is...that might take you to the "why" more than anything else.

I do the very same thing, and my reason why may be different from yours...just talking about it with your T, without having much understanding of it, may help bring you to some clarity. As you say, you don't have to have it all figured out--that's what T is there for!