I have been so good this past year. I have hardly self-harmed at all. But tonight....when it is so hot, and I'm tired and upset and angry and scared and poor....I need something more than the painkillers I've just taken.

I need release. But...it's summer and I have been forced to wear less clothing and...there's nowhere unnoticable, at least to my GF. But then again she is so self-absorbed I could sacrafice a goat in the living room right now and she wouldn't notice.

I've been resorting to bruising -because my med condition means I bruise easy anyhow and I can pass that one off on something else. I want to beat myself up, cut and jab myself until I'm numb.

SO I type....cos I know if I type my hands are busy. Hopefully I can type until I pass out.

I need love right now. And there's none going.

I hate myself so much right now.