My therapist notices that I project my negative self image onto others. She feels that this has a lot to do with me not feeling worthy or good enough for others to love me, like me, or want to help me. I expect people to react in a negative way, so therefore I don't ask or accept help from people. I expect them not to follow through on what they tell me, because this is what has happened for years.

In my case, because my husband is disabled, people are quick to say, "What can I do to help you guys?" Yet, when I finally give in and allow them into our world, they may come around a few times, but then it fizzles out really quick.

I try to follow through on what I tell others I will do, and I expect for others to do the same with me. If I cannot follow through, I will notify that person so that they are not counting on me for something. In return, I expect others to notify me as well. I don't like to be left in dark thinking something is being done, only to find out that the ball got dropped and I was never told. If I were told, I could have taken that on myself to make sure it was done.

To protect myself from being hurt, I automatically go to thoughts of, "It was nice of them to offer, but I know they don't really mean that."

While my therapist does realize I am in a difficult situation and trusting people is not easy when you have a quadriplegic husband, she wants me to reprogram my thinking into, "Everyone will not let you down. There are good people out there who will follow through on their word and they will be there to help you. Don't shut everyone out because of some who disappointed you."

As to the unrealistic expectations of myself, she feels that I am being too hard on myself. I expect myself to be able to work full time and also be a full time caregiver. I expect myself to be able to handle everything without asking for help. I expect people to take interest when they learn of my situation. I expect their reaction to be, "How can I help you?" BUT, I also expect for them to not really mean what they say. I expect their curiosty to fade and forget about all the support they offered in the beginning.

Are my expectations unrealistic, or are they my way of protecting myself from disappointment, hurt, and often times being put in an uncomfortable situation when I have to go back and ask someone, "Were you able to do this or that?" (Things they told me they would be doing for me/us).

This is definitely a learned response to things that have happened in my life. It probably goes further back than my current situation. Trying to relearn how to think is not easy. That would mean I would have to trust others and let them into my life. Is the trade off worth it? That is what I am questioning sometimes.