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Old Feb 05, 2011, 02:16 PM
learning1 learning1 is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,872
I like Tree's suggestion. In case it doesn't work, I'd just encourage you to keep trying with different therapists until you find one you like. When I've left therapists, they've been very supportive of encouraging me to try to find someone who fits well with me. So I don't think you should worry too much about hurting your current t's feelings if you want to switch. (And if your current t didn't support you in trying another t, then I think that IS their lack of training, definitely not something you should feel bad about.)

Here's a kind of long explanation about my experience finding a t that worked for me over the years. I'm not sure if it will be relevant to you or not.

I've been to many therapists (maybe 10) over the years, usually briefly because I would give up on thinking they could help each time. Eventually I went to couples t and that t was able to connect with me in a way that gave me the experience/faith that therapy can help me if I stick with it. I stopped with the couples t when my relationship ended. Then I tried a few more therapists. Even though I believed therapy could help, I was still looking for the right t. Now I've decided to stick with one, which I've been doing, even though I can tell his skills aren't perfect sometimes. I can see that the problem was me not trusting the therapists and not believing it was okay to explain to them exactly how I really understood what my problems were, as much as it was their inability to understand me.

Looking back, I wish that I had kept trying different therapists sooner than I did, instead of giving up on therapy for a while between each one, so that I would have found one I did connect with sooner. I think it's possible that if I had had the confidence to do what Tree suggested, it would have helped some of the therapists I gave up on to help me. On the other hand, some of them would have reacted in a way that would have seemed confused or defensive to me.

I wish I had tried going to a t with more training or a more advanced degree (a ph.d.) instead of the social workers that were on the list more fully covered by my insurance, probably because they charged less. Their kind of shallow step-by-step behavioral approach didn't work for me.

On the other hand, the t I'm going to now is a social worker and I like him because he's very genuine. He told me the first time I went that he believes in what he does because therapy helped him personally. At this point I feel less afraid to help the therapist understand me. Since I can explain things to them more matter of factly when they misunderstand, they seem less likely to get defensive and more likely to believe me. I don't think this t would have worked for me when I was younger.