Thank you Susan Jane, for the hugs you are very kind.

Wisewoman,
That's cool --- you did a crazy thing and it made your day, maybe you could share it with us?

I'm sorry.... things for me are falling apart even more..... don't think I could muster up anything to help me right now... thanks for the suggestion though-- it's appreciated.
Sometimes... my best just isn't good enough.

I feel I have to isolate now.... so much hurting. Really don't want to burden anyone..... I shouldn't have posted this in the beginning....

AT another "support" site I briefly belonged to-- it was questioned whether I am seeking attention ---- I assure all of you, I am in no way just seeking attention, (starting a thread about myself is very hard for me)
and hope I haven't appeared as such here.

wishing you all well

mandy