It IS hard.

My T's office has become something of a "container" for me, I think. Every single story I've told, every single big feeling, every single journey inside, has really happened inside that room. In fact, it's almost overwhelming - lately, I've had to step out of the office for a minute during my session...it's starting to feel overfull!

T always has his blinds closed and I usually dim the lights, so when I leave his office and walk outside into the fresh air, and the brightness, it feels like a transition. I like outside, and the sky, and just being able to be outside and breathe helps a little.

I always, ALWAYS leave a message for T after session (or a few messages) while I drive home with my leftover feelings/thoughts/questions. T leaves me a message in response that night or the next morning. That helps, because sometimes the words are so hard to get out while I'm sitting there, and this way I don't have to hold them until the next session.

Sometimes I feel horrible...I mean REALLY HORRIBLE...after a session. Like my soul has just been ripped out or something. I usually post here, which helps. And then I remind myself that if I can just make it through until tomorrow, I'll feel better. It doesn't FEEL like I will ever feel better, but from experience, I know it's never as bad the next day. I have a really busy life, so I just do the things I have to do, which usually involves driving my boys to activities all over town. I'm grateful for that distraction, although I'd really rather just curl up in bed most of the time.

I think for me, what made it easier over time, was the realization that the feelings would CHANGE. So, even though we're going deeper and things hurt more, I have this awareness that it won't hurt that bad forever.