Don't hate yourself one bit. I kinda think we are going thru alot of the same things right now. I battle everyday about whether to stay or leave. It's hard, it hurts, it can be scary and go knows we could be alot happier. I don't know what to do but the one thing I do know is I deserve to be happy and so do you. Everyone tells me I should leave except for the ones who don't really know or don't understand. It is in the end our decision. I knew 15 months ago that I should leave him and I knew 12 months ago that I really wanted to. Problem for me being I moved to another country to be with him and I have no finacial means to get back home or start over. I gave up my whole life to be here with him. I really gave up everything because I was sure. He wasn't ready to get mearried but didn't tell me. After we got married he was so afraid I would take away his life that he took away mine and destroyed our life together. Now, he is trying but he is not the man I thought I was marrying, nor will he ever be that. He has come a long way but I am afraid some damage cannot be repaired and some things I can't get over. I fear it all happening again. I read some of your posts and I can understand some of the things he does with anger. It is very scary and my heart goes out to you. You shouldn't have to live like that. It's so much easier for me to tell you then to do it myself. I am getting closer. I just want to say before I stop babbling that what they do, what they say and how they treat us is not our fault. Of course we make mistakes and say or do things too but no one deserves to be at the other end of such anger or rage. There is nothing we could do to have someone treat us like that. Listen to your heart. Believe in yourself. Do what is best for you. (and maybe remind me once in awhile) I think you said you had kids. (I don't) My mom stayed for my brothers and I but I begged her to leave my father. It is better to grow up in a stable and happy home then to have two parents and have turmoil. That is my opinion and my belief. I am not passing judgement. You just have to do what's best for you and your kids.
Hang in there, your in my thoughts today,
Heidu