I can honestly say I know what you are talking about. I have cut for 35 years and have had to deal with all kinds of urges as well as the end result of having tried to wait it out so the urge would pass. Rarely did this work for me when I was younger but then I became so agressive and out of control with it that I was being hospitalized every 2 to 3 months for 2+ weeks or so. This is what I have been dealing with for the past 4 years. I am in therapy and she and my psychiatrist are wonderful and have helped me much. Now I am better able to refrain from the urges to cut for longer and much of the time not do it. I have often used SI to avoid doing something much worse. I still struggle daily but know that I am bigger than the problem and I am winning more battles than losing. There is so much help out there and less stigma now that the media and medicine has made SI awareness prominent. It wasn't anything like this when I started, so please read, absorb, and practice/utilize everything you can so you don't end up like me. Don't let it control you--you control it. Good luck.