(((((((((((granite)))))))))))

it sounds like you aren't sure what she has planned for the next session. maybe you could ask her what she is thinking of doing--in email or by handing her the words on a piece of paper in session if you can't find the words? i think that might really calm your fears to know more about what she wants to do. i don't think i've responded to your threads before because i wasn't sure how to be helpful but when you explained why you don't want to talk it all made perfect sense. i can totally understand your fear. is there any way you can communicate to T why you are so afraid to talk, again in whatever form is easiest? maybe talking about the fear of talking is the first step to actually talking about the other stuff. it might also be helpful for your T to first work on teaching you to ground yourself so then when you do talk you can do it without feeling out of control and make sure you are safe before you leave a session. please be gentle with yourself granite. you are precious.