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Originally Posted by etatall
I think that this experience, which by far has been one of the most painful experiences in my life, has only strengthened my belief that I do not want to have a relationship. I expressed that belief before therapy and I express it now. Most of you will disagree with me. Most of you will tell me that I should choose relationships and the terrible pain that comes along with them. But it's my life and just like I want my therapist to respect my decision (I'm not sure she does) I want you all to do the same.
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Relationships can bring a lot of good stuff and incredible pain. I would never try to convince anyone that they are all good. Never.
Quote:
Originally Posted by etatall
1. What I want to know is whether in the course of therapy, these powerful feelings, just like they mechanically emerge, will eventually mechanically fade?
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Mine did, but it took a lot of work and willingness to sit with some pretty hurtful and confusing feelings until they did. I value the relationship I have with my therapist a lot now. It's resolved into a very comfortable, beneficial thing for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by etatall
2. Can someone here guarantee me that if I stick to therapy a while longer, I'll eventually not feel anything toward my therapist? That I will feel toward my therapist the same indifference that I feel toward my doctor, my boss, my dentist?
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I don't know if you will ever feel nothing towards your therapist. But perhaps you may come to see that your therapist is there to help you, like your doctor or your dentist. With all those emotions flying around though, creating a charged atmosphere, I don't think it will ever be like a physician. Especially not like with your boss. Of course, I don't know your boss.
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Originally Posted by etatall
3. Will the therapist take an active role in fixing the transference? Will she attempt to create a negative transference that will negate the "positive" transference? Or am I supposed to be proactive and express hatred toward my therapist?
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Well, IMO, the therapist can help by being receptive and open to the way you feel. Not minimizing it or becoming defensive about it. They can help you realize where this is coming from (that won't fix it, IMO BTW), and the issues you have that underpin it. With me, most of the work coming to terms with it was on my part. I would be very surprised if your therapist tried to create a negative transference. I mean that kinda sounds like an all or nothing kinda interaction. "You will either love me or hate me". I think it is more likely they will try to help you find a middle ground.
If you are mad at your therapist, you should tell them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by etatall
4. Or does my therapist expect me to find a person who will take her place? If that's the case she made a huge, incorrect assumption and underestimated the strength of my desires. And far from helping me, hurt me permanently.
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I don't know if it is about taking her place, or what your therapist expects. I think therapists just want us to be happy, and for us to play an active positive role in that happiness. Have our lives be less of a reaction to events (past or present), and more of a deliberate, in the now, and informed choice on our part - whatever choices we make.