Quote:
Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying
1. I need to vent....I am tired about hearing how God can heal me. If I had cancer, would they tell me that? There was no god in that room when my father was stealing my innocence
2. How do you respond to insensitive, hurtful, and/or unsupportive comments by others? It hurts to see that, what's an appropriate response?
3. How do you respond to questions about your parents (when they were your abusers) My parents are very much alive, but I have had no contact with them in years. They are dead to me, but I don't feel comfortable saying they're dead to others. Any good responses?
thanks
|
I'd love to address some of these very legitimate points if I can.
Having actually been on both sides of this first question, meaning I actually had cancer (had is a great word here.
), and I got a lot of well meaning spirituality pushed my way, I always try to take a deep breath and try to understand why people say things like "God will heal you". It is to comfort themselves in the emotionality they are feeling in terms of the situation. I like that, that someone can comfort themselves, cause I don't want to see anyone suffer. But it isn't for me, nor will it ever be. You can only work on you, on how you do things, and how you react, even when it is hard and you've got so many well-earned through negative experience autonomous responses.
(JD) makes a good point about letting go. A really good point that for a lot of people is the Judeo-Christian God and for others is a Higher Power. From my experience, and it is only my experience, the act of surrender, (which I am still working on, desperately), the letting go is all that matters. Understanding that you can't control, you can't change events beyond what is in front of you, and that in trying to do so, even though it is a reasonable response to what you've gone through, isn't making you better. Talk it through, but understand, for you, what you can and can't control, and give up what you can't.
When people are insensitive, that is their thing. The best thing you can teach yourself is to just walk away, at least not letting your reaction to their perpetuation of your trauma run you over and take control of your conscious brain and emotions. It takes practice, lots of it, but like I said, you can control only what is inside you, not the jerkiness of someone who's mean or an *****.
You are a brave soul. You can't be around your parents, even though every genetic, social and anthropological drive says that you "should". That's bravery. If it comes up, I am a fan of the approach that cautious hope described, be honest, direct and let that be that. There is no shame in your circumstance CSC, you've made a tacit choice that makes you healthier. That's courage.
Hugs.