{{{{hazel}}}} I don't have answers either, unfortunately. But to address you not being able to help others...we have all, for the most part, been in a very similar situation and understand that you need to take care of yourself first. And you have the right to vent and take up all the space you want here, we are all equal in this way. Your expressions aren't a waste of time, which it seems like you may be saying.

Take care of yourself