thanks, you guys. I will have extra big pockets tomorrow, for anyone who wants to ride along.

I had a crisis with my 16 year old son last night (he jumped off our 2nd story balcony to evade the police who were here to pick him up on a truancy warrant! ) and I left my T a message about that last night. Dealing with police officers is triggering for me, as is being in hospitals, especially emergency rooms. Dealing with cops IN the emergency room is pretty much the perfect storm for me to have a breakdown. Add to that the worry about my son and my other kids, and yeah. I broke down and called T.

ANYWAY. She called me back today. She was not boot camp T. She was not really her usual self, but I suspect she is deliberately changing the way she interacts with me. I am trying to trust that she's doing it because she believes it is in my best interest, and I am trying to trust that I will understand it better tomorrow.

At the end of the call she said goodbye. Not, call me if you want to or need to. Just...bye.

I sent T an email. It seems like I can't stop doing the exact wrong thing, I can't stop doing whatever it is that will make everything worse. I'm just digging myself in deeper and deeper and deeper.

I'm having a really hard time sitting with these feelings until tomorrow. I'm having a hard time sitting with them until 5 minutes from now.