Thank you for your responses. Echoes, yours in particular is a totally different perspective that I am trying to see. I thing it would be helpful for this whole situation if I could see it that way.

BPD2: "use your experience as testimony, not as focus" Does that mean that we should use this as an example of why the need exists & not the focus of how we should have done things differently in the past, but how we can change ourselves so we have a better outcome in the future?

Tishie: "As for leaving the group well it was her who broke the rules so if anyone should of been pulled up it should of been her !" While I agree with that statement, the reality is that she is seen as more valued by the leaders of the group. She would be the one they would keep, if it came down to a choice between her & I. I would be the one rejected. No doubt.

Thank you all for your help. Sometimes I really feel like I am lost in the wilderness of life. Knowing that you are in this with me helps me very much. I do not feel so hopeless & isolated. Thanks PC, BPD2. ECHOES & Tishie.