Hi there,

If I may be so blunt - if the only thing she did was to tell you to "F" off consider yourself lucky. Your upbringing sounds eerily all too familiar. Have you thought perhaps of the possibility that your mother has some very serious personality disorders? Narcissistic personality disorder comes to mind for one...there are many others but I am the survivor of chronically ill narcissistic Father who all but destroyed me and my family.

I might suggest you do some reading on this if you just do a goggle search you will come up with a multitude of excellent info out there. I found it best not to try and read those things that was suggested but to do the research on my own and read what resonated with me and my situation.

If this is the case for you as it was for me - putting the pieces together will be a lifetime process and it will not happen overnight for sure. I don't know if you are currently in therapy but that would be of great help to you at this point to work through some of the anger issues you have.

The anger is very difficult to get rid of - my suggestion is to just feel it. Let it out it. It may take spending a lot of time alone, by yourself, to really get in touch with what has caused those intense feelings and why. You will waste time and energy trying to hold those who hurt you accountable. It's time to start working on "damage control"

Best of Luck

J