I do the same, after 3+ yrs. I have decided to just endure it - and refuse myself the "you should be past it" message. Hey, if I cancelled every time I panicked, I would have ended long ago.

I opened PC this morning and I saw
panicking...
should I go back...
nervous...
wanting to cancel...
and at least three other threads which are variations on the same theme. My conclusion:
It is perfectly normal to feel these things.
Let's face it, revealing secrets one longs to keep hidden, showing the bleeding and infected wounds that refuse to heal; lowering defenses and taking yet another risk... the feeling of being examined in a spotlight... none of this is FUN.
Of course there is anxiety. hang on folks, there is healing out there. I am banking on it.