Improving, I am so sorry that you are in this kind of pain. You are grieving for some very real losses and my heart hurts for you..... I know it feels so hard to believe there will be anything but pain right now, but please keep holding on, one moment longer, one more moment......and if it is too hard to continue to be safe, do you think going to the hospital is an option?
Is there any way you could share with your T the things you have shared about how you feel she has changed, what it feels like she is expecting of you, and the deep grief and pain this is causing you? Maybe her eyes would be opened.....and some repair could begin in your relationship.
I'm just deeply sorry for your pain. I will be here with you in heart and spirit.