Very odd.....I just came back from the store. I've spent a limited amount of time around my father in the last three years when my mother was dying. Guess who I saw at the store just now? Dear ol daddio.

I have to say from my own experience, they never admit their wrong doing or the cruelty to say nothing of the damage it created. They truly do not realize the pain they have caused. I wanted so much to go and hug him and kiss him and tell him how much I loved him...but it doesn't mean anything to him. To him - I'm the wrong doer. My Father has absolutely no appropriate boundaries within relationships. It's intolerable. His behavior after all these years is still repulsively toxic.

Perhaps your Mother will change in time - but all I can say is any Mother that can tell her child to F off and God knows what else...in my opinion, has serious emotional problems. And yes most likely she inherited her issues from her parents...

but it has to stop somewhere so why not with you since you have been able to cut through all the b.s.? You see the truth of it and recognize it for what it is. So take a stand dear and get YOU healthy!!

You learn to deal with the pain and the anger - it doesn't go away but you learn to adapt and as I said, when I saw my dad today I just broke down and cried like an infant (once I got to my car). I love him he's my father, but he has lived his life and the lives of many others...including mine for many many years....

I want to live my own life good, bad, indifferent or ugly...

All the best to you my dear. Nothing is wrong with having hope that she will change - just don't waste anymore time waiting around for it to happen. A harsh reality perhaps, but one you will most likely have to come to terms with on your own and in your own time.

J