Thank you so much poetgirl. No, hospital does not feel like an option. The hospital I had been using costs £700/night, and my insurance discontinued my psychiatric cover a year ago. Unfortunately, my psychiatrist (who works at that hospital and who I've always had as a backup plan) announced this weekend that she doesn't feel she can provide back up support anymore)- I haven't seen her for a year as I can no way afford the £350/hr she charges. I guess we are lucky here to have the NHS (so free psychiatric hospitals), but I am terribly terribly afraid of these as I received very damaging treatment and nearly lost my life in one as a young teenager. I realise that hospitals are all different, but from what I've heard from friends who have spent time in NHS adult psychiatric 'care', it would be more hellish than my life is now, and I wouldn't be able to get out.

I have tried, continually, to communicate how I feel/how I understand what is happening with my T. I do think she knows about the grief and pain. But she just isn't budging. I cannot think of any other way I could try to tell her.

Thank you so much for reaching out and offering to stay with me. I feel desperate.