Thank you MUE. I appreciate you writing when you have so much going on yourself.

My family do live in the same city and certainly love me but are terribly inconsistent and tend to make things far worse in a crisis (it's all about them, their reaction etc). We all try our best but sadly they are part of the problem rather than the solution- it's taken a long time for me to admit that. My partner is often on skype but she is settling into her 'new' life and isn't very receptive to things like this. For a long time when things were very bad she was my sole carer, and she has gone to Australia to get away from all this, and I respect that. Many of my friends aren't aware of my difficulties. Of those who are, one lives close by and has always always been 100% reliable in a crisis. Unfortunately, on Friday she said something which was the biggest trigger ever for me (she didn't know the implications). I ended up going to hers on Saturday night anyway, because I was being threatened with hospitalization which I couldn't afford, but it felt like compromising my self-respect and things are very awkward. I don't think I will ever try with a new T.

I will try to keep posting here- thanks for the advice.