Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
Poetgirl: Anticipation IS often worse, but I'm at the point where it's that way because I hold back. I am so tired of holding back feelings and tears and feeling messy. I've been in therapy so long but I've usually kept it "looking good" and not messy.
Good point. I don't have to be professional; T does! I always want to look good in therapy, which is so silly but hard to change in myself.
I don't like my T to see me struggle.
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I know how you feel.....there's a lot of emotion I have held back, but it's not like it's hidden and T can't see it anyway!
Funny about the professional part.....I always try to look nice no matter how cruddy I feel. I wear my nicer clothes, never my sweats......I have the thought that if I'm going to sit there being vulnerable and pouring the darkness out of my soul, at least I'm going to look decent doing it!
But then I don't want her to see me struggle, either, because I don't want
anyone to see me struggle........but I see where this desire to keep 'looking good' and not be seen struggling has interfered with therapy (and some relationships, too, actually) so I'm working on letting go of that. I admire your courage, rainbow, in making that effort, too!
