eehhh... well, I made the call, so that's a 1st... she said there's a waiting list so I'll have to wait and see but I guess it's something , right? thanks for all the well wishes, I will keep you updated... it's nice to know people know what this feels like.... b/c it feels like torture inside. not knowing which way to go and feeling too exhausted to even care at times. as scary as this was and is, I can say, it's weird how much of a relief it feels like... why is that, that the things that you fear the most in the end are those things that are the best for you (in this instance)?